meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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