maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
