She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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