Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
where are my eyebrows?
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