I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
