Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
