I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
