There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
