Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
