why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
