Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
