If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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