shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
