so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
