So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
