Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
