wrigley field is MILF paradise
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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