Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
