I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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