True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize