Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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