I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
