You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
