She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
