Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
