Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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