dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
