I swear she didn't look like that last week.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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