Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
