The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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