I cannot find my penis.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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