the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We have so much sex to catch up on
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
