ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
