I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
