Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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