What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
