how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
