you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
