so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
