she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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