I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
