I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
