The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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