i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
