don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
