some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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