i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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