After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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