I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she peed on how many people?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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