I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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