she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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