Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
