what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
