i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
