so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
