What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
