once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
