I wanna passion pit in your ass
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I AM VODKA MAN
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
