We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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