hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
