I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
