Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
and she was petting her beer can
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
