I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
