is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
