yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
