Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
