I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
